The Heart Your Husband Needs

You know how people without children often have loads of solid parenting advice? I like to call this the Peanut Gallery effect. I’ve been a mom (pregnancy to present) for over eight years and I’ve got plenty of on-the-job experience with this. No one knows the heart your child needs like you do. It didn’t occur to me that there’s a similar phenomenon where unmarried people (i.e., me for a good amount of my life until recently) judge and advise the married. For instance, I may have looked at how one married friend treated her husband and thought she handled it wrong. I may’ve even mentioned what I’d do in her situation. To her, and on behalf of all married people who’ve received such input, allow me to apologize.  No one knows the heart your husband needs the way that you do.

As I’m typing this, my poor sweet Superman is laid out in the bed after a long day’s work in a city quite a distance away trying to come back from nausea and a headache. He came home, kissed us on the head, and went straight to bed. As I brought him water, offered to get him anything he needed, and caressed his clean-shaven head, I realized that what he needs from me in this moment is absence. He needs solitude. He needs permission to sleep and do what he needs to do without feeling guilty about neglecting family responsibilities. That’s what I’m giving him (and if I’m not mistaken, he’s now OUT like a light).

The Heart Your Husband Needs: You Know Your Marriage

Past, unmarried me might’ve thought that actions such as this show wifely neglect. How short-sighted is that? How is listening to your husband’s need and then responding to it neglect? Obviously, the answer is that it isn’t. It’s the opposite. Please, don’t allow the naysayers to sway you. You know your marriage. He knows your marriage. God knows your marriage. Unless there’s domestic violence, emotional/psychological abuse, or something else dangerous going on, nobody else gets a say in your marriage.

The Heart Your Husband Needs: Wisdom from St. Francis

“Lord, grant that I might not so much seek to be loved as to love.” ~St. Francis of Assisi

St. Francis brings forth a whole lot for reflection in that one sentence within his renowned prayer. This month has had a lot of conversation (so far) about the beautiful sacrament of matrimony and how to practically live it out. This quote is a perfect summation for what we’re called to do. I have to try to show my love for Superman more than I seek Superman’s signs of his love for me.

The Heart Your Husband Needs: Trust Your Instincts

Trust your wifely instincts, my fellow Catholic wives. You are perfectly suited to provide exactly what your husband needs. Today mine needs rest and permission to disappear. Tomorrow, he might need an ear or a shoulder or a warm embrace. Whatever it is, I will make sure he gets it. I’m perfectly designed to read his needs and provide them; and so are you for your husband.

Please don’t listen to the world. I mean, in reality, listening to the world is NEVER a good idea. We’ve been given a wonderful guidebook in the Bible and excellent examples in married saints (like St. Joseph, St. Monica, Sts. Zelie and Louis Martin, Sts. Priscilla and Aquila, and St. Gianna Beretta Molla, for example) and those celibate saints who had much to say on the topic of marriage (St. John Paul the Great, St. John Chrysostom, and St. Valentine (who witnessed to the beauty of marriage)). If we’re listening to anyone other than ourselves on how we live out our marriages, let it be them.

Have you stopped to think about the heart your husband needs from you lately? Maybe it’s a listening heart. Perhaps it’s a service heart. You know what he needs, though. May you find it easy to provide it to him.

 

Kristi

About The Author

Hail Marry Blog

We’re Kristi & Rachel: best friends married to two awesome guys that we met on Catholic Match.

12 COMMENTS

  1. myboysmommy | 20th Mar 17

    Perfectly stated my dear!! Miss you girls- happy lent! <3 ~Lynn Prucha

  2. Anni H. | 20th Mar 17

    Beautiful thoughts! I hope your husband bounces back quickly.

    And, you are so correct – it’s all too easy to say, “This is what you should do…” even if we are married ourselves! But, wives should feel free to trust their gut. If we have a prayerful approach to our marriage, and a commitment to making it work, we will learn (sometimes the hard way) what we need to do to meet our spouse’s needs. And, since everyone is different in personality and approaches to life (in general), it would stand to reason what wouldn’t work for my marriage might just be needed for someone else’s marriage, and what would work for us, won’t work for everyone.

    Great points!

  3. Rachel | 24th Mar 17

    Great message! I get so caught up asking for “advice” sometimes when I actually should trust myself more than I do!

    • Hail Marry Blog | 24th Mar 17

      Exactly! 🙂 It’s easier said than done, I know, but you really should!

  4. Ginny | 24th Mar 17

    I needed this reminder today. Thank you.

  5. kimberlyccook | 24th Mar 17

    Thanks fur sharing this! These are beautiful insights to strengthen marriages.

  6. tojesussincerely | 24th Mar 17

    I really appreciate you putting out the sentiment: we THINK we know what we’d do in another person’s situation. But it’s so so hard to do this honestly, unless we’ve actually lived it. Very few people have the wisdom to look in from the outside and understand (maybe…. Solomon? And Jesus? Aaaaand… Mother Teresa?) But not me. I don’t have that superpower. And it’s a good reminder to not act like I’m all-knowing, and on the flip side, to be confident in myself when others give unsolicited (and even poor) advice. Lovely article!

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