When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her also weeping, he was greatly disturbed in spirit and deeply moved. He said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus began to weep. So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” ~ John 11:33-36
You might recognize these words from the Gospel of John or maybe these verses get overshadowed by the verses that precede and follow. I know for a long time I didn’t think much of these words, until I needed them.
I don’t know that I ever really grieved the death of my mother. It’s a pain that lingers and fades and occasionally causes me to raise a fist at God in anger that my boys will never know her this side of Heaven. That she wasn’t there to talk me through my first pregnancy or childbirth when I thought I would need her the most. That I can’t call her when I have no clue what to do and need advise or just to chat about the day and the exciting things going on.
It’s easy to think God did this on purpose. It’s easy to think God doesn’t care or isn’t concerned with our pain and struggle when we are in the midst of hardship. Maybe yours isn’t the death of a loved one, maybe it’s a class at school. Maybe it’s a relationship gone wrong or a job that doesn’t fulfill your needs financially, professionally, or personally. It’s easy to lash out and get mad at God for not providing for us the way we would like.
Get mad at God. He can take it. He gave you your emotions and they are good. But while you are angry at Him for His silence think about why He might be silent.
Perhaps you’re not listening or not ready to hear what He has to say about the situation. Perhaps He is holding you or carrying the yoke alongside you. Perhaps He knows the beautiful outcome that awaits you on the other end, but also deeply understands the pain in this moment. Perhaps you are in the fire for your own purification.
Perhaps God is weeping, too.
We are going to suffer in this life. We just are. We live in a fallen world surrounded by sin and free will. Our God is good and faithful, and He is always there when we need Him. Sometimes He will act like a mighty wind and defeat our enemies for us. Sometimes He will be a good Father and know that He shouldn’t. God knows when to act and when to be silent and when He is there is always love in the silence.