Kristi & Rachel’s Resolutions 2017 Plan

It’s that time of year! The time for new beginnings. That means new commitments and new promises. New unrealistic goals that aren’t measurable… wait, what? People do that?! This year, we’re each launching a “Resolutions 2017” plan.

Initial Thoughts on Resolutions

Kristi

My 2016 resolutions went out the window, pretty much, because my plans completely changed course when I met my husband, who for the purposes of this blog will be known as Superman. 2016 was a whirlwind of things not planned for both my family and Rachel’s, and we were intricately entwined in one another’s happenings.  While I am sure that there will be unforeseen circumstances in 2017, and I’m equally sure that our lives will continue to intertwine, Rachel and I decided to correct the failings of resolutions from 2016 in 2017.

Rachel

Resolution, when that word pops up I automatically think diet, exercise, travel, becoming a millionaire by the time I am 40.  This year though I am going to be doing exercise and a diet but not for my body but for my soul. Sure I would love to be in shape, eat the greenest food, have all the money, and travel to the most amazing places. Those goals wouldn’t mean anything to me without Christ. He should be our cornerstone, our foundation, and our light upon our path.

Yet year after year he’s not any of those things and keeps on being left behind. This year I have a plan, the heart, and gumption to live fully in his light. Here are my thoughts and plans laid out on my Christ-centered life this New Year and for the years to come.

 

Kristi’s “Resolutions 2017” Plan

For me, I’ve got a newly established family unit, new family members to consider, and changing volunteer commitments. Therefore, this year, I decided to keep my resolutions segmented (for organization’s sake). I have one personal spiritual resolution, we have a family spiritual resolution, and I have a health resolution that is completely cliché, but…it’s on there anyhow…and I choose to see them all as a commitment to God in 2017.

  1. Carve out Time with God

One of my favorite Christian singers is Francesca Battistelli. She gets it. The girl can sing, and her lyrics call to me. She’s got one song called “The Crazy Kicks In” and it is my 2017 theme song. It’s sung from the perspective of a busy wife and mother (present!) speaking to God about spending a little time with him before everyone else wakes up and goes crazy and life happens. She says “a little time with You, the only way to get me through the day…come meet me in this moment, before it all gets going.” This is true.

Little Miss and Superman have needs and wants and requests that I field in the morning while getting myself ready. It can be crazy. So I am going to get up thirty minutes before my love, start the coffee, and delve into Kristi’s Time with God. If you don’t know the song, check it out here on YouTube (not our video).

I also love Audio Adrenaline, both old and new. On the Underdog album there’s a song called “This Day.” In it, they sing, “I wanna say a prayer before my feet can hit the ground. Lord, I give this day to you.” The concept of a morning offering isn’t new to Catholics. Those living the monastic life have practiced this for years. God has given me everything I have. Every blessing and every cross. It isn’t too much to give him each day.

My friend Cyndi says, and I’m paraphrasing, “If your children don’t see you spending time in the Word of God, don’t expect them to spend time in the Word of God.” Wow. So simple, yet it’s a powerful reminder of many things. It’s a reminder that, as a mother, my child will learn from what I do and will display the behavior which I model. It reminds me that my husband and I signed up to help get one another to Heaven when we said our vows. Don’t I need to know God’s Word and exactly what we’re called to and asked of to accomplish that? I am a witness for Christ. I am his hands and feet. It reminds me that I need to fully know Christ in order to witness to others and to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

This could also mean that in addition to a private morning offering time, I return to a Bible study class. I was going at the end of 2015, then 2016 got a little crazy, and I made it for basically April and May. That’s two months out of twelve. Those numbers aren’t that great. I’m already scheduled pretty tightly on the weeks, but that excuse doesn’t really hold water when you consider the phrase “If it’s important, you make time for it.” God’s pretty important. I’m just gonna leave that right there…

  1. Go Old-School on Fridays: Meatless

I’ve said before how blessed Superman and I feel that our family was in 2016. Even so, I don’t feel that we gave back as much of that blessing as we could have. Over the end of 2016, I kept being struck by the idea that Jesus died on that cross for me. Despite the fact that I constantly fail in living the life I’m called to live. Now, I know that we all do to some extent, but I feel so grateful for God’s mercy that I decided, perhaps, some additional sacrifice on our part as a thank you for our blessings was in order.

For those of you who don’t know, Catholics give up meat on Fridays during Lent (the period between Ash Wednesday and Holy Thursday) and on Good Friday as a sacrificial penance of sorts. We abstain from meat in a very meek and small act of solidarity with the ultimate sacrifice that Jesus made for us. Many Catholics observe the practice outside of Lent, too, as was the custom for many years, on each Friday of the year. This year, we will be abstaining from consuming meat on all Fridays (excepting special occasions such as birthdays, in which we’ll “transfer” our meatless day to maintain this weekly abstinence).

  1. Using My Gym Membership

Superman loves the gym. I often joke that the gym is his first wife, and while I knew that he was passionate about it when I married him, I am less passionate about it. I’m a girl who likes yoga and Pilates (but rarely does them). I’m a girl who could just go for walks every day and be content. But, I’m also a girl in near-desperate need of some increased upper body strength and some improving bone density…tightening my core a little more wouldn’t be a bad thing, either. Overall, toning would be very good for me.

I know this. I’m not so thrilled about this, but I know this. And I can see that Superman is chomping at the bit for me to go. I love that my husband is so excited that this is something we can share. And, I mean, we’re already paying for both my membership and the childcare fee, so…really, I need to go. For my health, for my budget, and for my husband.

This is usually the trendy resolution and it’s also one that has a track record of failing, time and again. But I choose to make this more than an attempt to lose weight and tone my body. While toning is definitely a byproduct I hope to achieve, I choose to see it as the following:

  • Time with my husband. I’ve alluded to being scheduled and busy most days of the week in this and previous blog posts. It’s hard to know how and when to squeeze in work time, chore time, parenting time, cooking time, play time, commitments, God time, fitness time, and couple time. Since ladies are so good at multitasking, the gym is one answer. It may not be deep conversations with Superman, but we will be together, side-by-side on those ellipticals.
  • Prayer Time Once done on the elliptical, Superman will no doubt do his weight-lifting. I can use this time to stay on the elliptical or go do some of my own strength-training while meditating. I can review my day, thank God for the blessings, ask for forgiveness for my failings, or just be quiet.
  • My Body is a Temple We know that our bodies are houses of God, too, as the Holy Spirit lives within us. If 2016 taught us anything, it’s that life on Earth is fleeting and any time can be your time. I’m going to make sure that my time here is spent with me as healthy as I can control.
  • A Small Sacrifice of Love I don’t love this. I’ve already said that. I’ve got a bit of a lazy streak, which I’m willing to admit. Going to this place I don’t love and spending my time doing that instead of something that I do love, because Superman loves it and would enjoy doing it as a couple is a small act of sacrifice. When we were married, we agreed to love one another as Christ loved the Church. If this can be my small sacrifice of love, then so be it.

 Rachel’s “Resolutions 2017” Plan

  1. The first thing is more organization. I cannot concentrate when my surroundings are chaotic. A clean and calm environment lets me focus on what God is saying I should do. That is the hardest thing to do! The Scientist and our beloved puppy Lennox love to have things lying around just in case they want to get to them fast (more on how I deal with these men and organizing later!), so I need to find a spot that is calm and clean and set up my time with God there.
  2. Time management is a huge thing for me. I always happened to fill my days up without noticing that I haven’t made time. So I am scheduling time right after I wake up, doing devotions with the Scientist, and right before I do my morning cleaning schedule. I have more to say upon that to. If you don’t write down when you are going to do something, it always seems to slip away from you.
  3. Material, there are so many to do and I would love to do them all. I’m going to start simple and pick one Bible study and make a commitment to read through the Bible this year. I may start a Bible study among my girlfriends or start an online Bible study with you out there that is following my journey.
  4. Prayer, I love praying and I love doing novenas. Praying to me is talking directly to God and feeling his presence surround me. I definitely can improve; I am committing myself to a daily rosary, singing a hymn to praise God, read the readings for the day, and pray for all who are on my prayer list.
  5. Accountability sometimes I will not be able to do those things. The Scientist, my best friend, you guys, and God are my accountability. I am doing this because I see a need to be more humble, and live my life for the Lord. Not to put the Lord on the back burner and bringing him out only when I need him.

 

We’ll be checking in with you guys throughout the year to share how we’re doing on our resolutions and to see how yours are holding up, too. So tell us: what are some of your New Year’s Resolutions? Let us know in the comments! We’d love to hear them—and maybe pick up some new ones for ourselves!

Happy New Year!

 

Kristi & Rachel

Coming Soon in January…

We are SOOOOOOOO excited to announce that coming soon in January will see the addition of something new and exciting to Hail Marry! Rachel and I will be adding a podcast to the lineup starting January 6, 2017!

Coming Soon: Fiat

Inspired by Mary’s powerful “yes” to God (her fiat), we’re calling our podcast Fiat: Faith in All Things. We’ll be bringing you ideas for your marriage, your home, and your faith through conversations with one another and interviews from other Catholic women in short 15-20 minute chunks that you can listen to on the go. We hope to inspire you to see that, if you look around, faith really is in all things, and we, too, can say “yes!” to God.

If you haven’t subscribed to our blog yet, make sure you do so before January to ensure that you’re not missing out on new episodes of the podcasts.

 

Kristi & Rachel

Moms and Mentors…and our first giveaway!

Professionally, I am an office manager and the human resources director for my company. When we hire someone new, they undergo an onboarding process that includes a few weeks of a “crash course” in our industry and company procedures/specifics and then they’re assigned a mentoring supervisor to see them out of the trainee period. They also receive a company handbook.

Parenting is not quite as straightforward…I didn’t have a class filled with how to be a mom by today’s standards, including the points of vaccinating my daughter (or not), breastfeeding (or not), the recommended screen time guidelines, or the “proper” age to continue rear-facing her in the car seat. Unless you count What to Expect When You’re Expecting, I didn’t have a handbook, either. There was no mentor assigned to me at her birth (although I do have a fabulous mother who has been a wonderful asset in my parenting arsenal).

This is why I love mom’s groups.

There are YEARS of experience there, from both genders and a vast array of ages and abilities. Rachel and I are fortunate enough to be in a wonderful group of women (single moms, new moms, veteran moms, moms with blended families, and spiritual moms) called Moms & Mentors. We meet monthly in our homes, alternating the meeting place.

We’re all Christian women (most of us wives) who are trying to navigate the journey of motherhood without a map. It’s so nice to be around like-minded women, who understand the values I’m trying to instill in my children. It’s like they’re signs along my journey, pointing me in the right direction. It is so valuable!

Sometimes this Mommy thing is fantastic. Little Miss will see something for the first time and her reaction is priceless. Or hilarious. At times it’s inspiring. Or enough to bring me back to when I first saw the same thing. Sometimes this Mommy thing is enough to make you want to scream into your pillow. Maybe it’s the eleventh consecutive Mickey Mouse episode. Maybe it’s the teenage attitude that’s exiting your elementary school-aged child. And it’s exhausting, and leaves you emotionally raw. Then you wonder if you’re giving your child a complex.

Either way, it’s always the best job ever. And you’re rocking it. But you don’t have to rock it alone. Look in the parish bulletin, or call the church office, and see if there’s a mom’s group offered. Maybe there is one, but you’re a working mom and can’t make it there. Might I suggest looking at other local parishes?

Find Your Village

The group that Rachel and I attend isn’t our parish. It isn’t Catholic. When Little Miss was small, she attended an amazing preschool program at a wonderful Baptist church. They are such wonderful women, and the director of the program, as well as the music teacher and the children’s minister at the church, are all my friends since Little Miss attended. I’ve gone to special events at the church as well as Bible studies there. Little Miss attends their Vacation Bible School every summer. I wouldn’t trade our group.

They say that it takes a village to raise a child. I am a firm believer that it really does. My daughter is influenced by me and my husband, our siblings, our parents, and my extended family comprised by close friends and our parish church family. She has all of those adults to help guide her. And I love it.

So, too, do we need other people to help guide us. To be a springboard for particularly challenging parenting situations. Or to nod in solidarity and offer a shoulder. Or even to call us out when we need to be called out. To hold us accountable. Parenting is, after all, a big deal.

So Mama, we just want you to know, you’re doing fine. More than that. You’re killing it.

OMGoodness! A Moms & Mentors Giveaway?!

We want to hear from you, ladies. Tell us all about your experiences with mom’s groups. Does your parish offer one? What does yours do really well? What do you feel like is missing from yours? How has being in your mom’s group helped you through a sticky parenting situation? Can’t find a mom’s group that fits you yet? Check out Catholic Mom for inspiration until you do.

We know life gets busy (especially with after-school commitments and mom’s groups meetings), so we want to help you get organized in 2017. Comment below with answers to our questions above (if it isn’t working, please visit our Facebook page) to be entered into a giveaway for a large, spiral-bound planner, some fun accessories, an Our Lady of Guadalupe rosary, and a HailMarry custom bookmark. The giveaway closes on Friday, January 6 at 5:00 p.m. CST. The winner will be notified via email by Monday, January 9.

 

Kristi

For the Love of All Things Holy: Why & How We Do a Family Meeting

First of all, MERRY CHRISTMAS from the HailMarry family!

Rachel and I are so happy you’re with us on this journey, so again let me say merry Christmas!! Christ, the Savior is born! Let us rejoice! I hope that your Christmas Day was filled with love, fun, traditions, deliciousness, and family. Ours was a little extra special this year because it was our first Christmas together.  We celebrated on Friday night as a family, then on Saturday with my side of the family, and Sunday with my husband’s side.  There was a lot of baking and eating and laughter!

This holy time of Christmas makes me feel all warm and tingly inside. It’s that feeling that you get when you come clean with God about your sins. Or when you happen to steal a sideways glance at your husband when he isn’t looking. Or when you see a squishy baby sleeping.  But I digress.

 

Christmas & Family Time
Merry Christmas from Hail Marry!

 

I also get that feeling when everything is going exactly as planned. I’m definitely a list and planner girl, and I like to have back-up plans for my back-up plans. As my daughter gets older, I’m finding that that isn’t always going to happen. Sometimes she forgets to tell me that something was due until the day it’s due. Sometimes I forget to read her folder. Sometimes I request the completion of a simple, mundane task from her and it sets off quite the emotional storm.

 

When I found that said emotional storms were appearing with more frequency and when we were all adjusting to the change from being an all-girl family of two to a heterogeneous family of three, we implemented a family meeting. It keeps us centered and focused as a family on our goals, our weekly agendas, and any concerns that we have.  Because of it, we work as a team. And together, we strive for holiness.

 

The husband and I decided that, prior to our first family meeting, we’d hash out the ground rules. We wanted it to be a place that will encourage growth and honest discussion in our family, but we didn’t want it to be a total democracy, where we are all equals, either. We are the parents in this family and felt that there should be a distinction.

 

The Family Meeting

Here are the five Denoy Family Meeting Rules by which we operate:

  1. Listen fully to the speaker.
  2. Raise your hand to comment and wait to be called on.
  3. Yelling or screaming will cause the meeting to end and the parents will make all decisions.
  4. The parents have final say.
  5. Remember Colossians 3:13—“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

 

After reading these aloud the first time, we all signed the rules, to show that we all agreed to abide by them.

 

The rationale behind the rules are as follows:

  1. It’s really important to hear what the person is saying and not anticipate what you think they’re going to say. Listen completely and then respond once you’ve had time to understand what the other person is saying. This isn’t always easy for our family, but we’re working on it!
  2. My family is a family of talkers…all of us. And when we’re passionate or really excited about things, we tend to rush our words and run them all over everyone else’s words. We appointed my husband, as head of the house, to run the meetings, so we wait for him to recognize us when our hands are raised. I feel like this is a small, subtle way that I can live out Ephesians 5 (I know, I know, people aren’t huge fans of this section of the New Testament, but I’m a fan) and model it to my daughter.
  3. Sometimes, when Little Miss disagrees, she makes it known. Loudly. And sometimes not-so-politely. So we wanted her to know from the outset that it will not be tolerated in family meetings.
  4. This goes back to what I said earlier about us not being a true democracy. We are still the parents, entrusted with the task of raising God-fearing, productive members of society (or we’ve failed in our jobs as moms and dads), and this helps remind the Little Miss that while we will listen to her opinions and concerns, we will also make the decisions that we feel are best for our family.
  5. It was important to me that these family meetings be a place to hash out issues we were having, preview schedules, have conversations, and really focus on our God-given gift of one another in this family, so I knew that we wanted a Bible verse to guide us. I love this one because it’s all about how to treat others. In fact, if Little Miss gives us attitude during the week, I have her get her Bible, find this verse and read it aloud. I suppose that if she persisted in being disobedient, we could also have her write the verse a few times. We use it to hold us accountable to one another in between our family meetings.

 

How We Run Our Meetings

  1. We do these meetings once a week. We voted on the day (Sunday) as well as the location (living room or dining room). We meet at our dining table and usually do them after church and before dinner.
  2. The husband runs the meetings and I act as a secretary during them, so we can refer back to it if need be. We also decide ahead of time (by Saturday morning) what the agenda will be (family members tell me what’s on their minds and what they’d like to discuss).
  3. We decided to set time limits for our meetings as well, and try to keep them around 30 minutes in total.
  4. We open with a prayer and a reminder of the rules. We also close with a prayer. The closing prayer is said by whichever family member volunteers to do it. I love it when Little Miss chooses to do this. Children’s prayers are so sweet. Sometimes I think that we adults can learn a thing or two from our children’s prayers.

 

I’ve been amazed by how a topic that usually elicits a strong reaction from Little Miss when NOT in the meeting can be discussed calmly and rationally by her when IN the meeting. We have excellent conversations and we do come to solutions.

 

These meetings are so helpful. We know, clearly, what the expectations of us for the week are, what events are scheduled…sometimes, we even go over the meal plan (a post on meal planning is on its way in January!). We are better when we have them. We are less harsh, less quick to jump, and more joyful.

 

From where I sit in these meetings, at one of the heads of the table, facing a crucifix and a statue of the Holy Family, I try to imagine what their family dynamic was like. Like my own family, they were a family of three. With one out of the three people being God, I would initially guess that their dynamic was calmer than my own family’s. But…Jesus was also man, and while I know he was sinless, I know how kids can be. In this moment, I find comfort in the story of Jesus being lost, with Joseph and Mary worried sick, looking everywhere, only to find him teaching in the temple. I kind of feel like they would have had family meetings, too.

 

These meetings are organic. It’s going to be interesting to see how they continue to grow and change as Little Miss gets involved in more activities and as she gets older. It’ll change again when additional members are added to our family, too. I imagine that there will be years of more laughter, tears, tension, relaxation, and all that’s in between as we continue these. I also imagine that there will be more bonding and memories made, too. And I know that I’ll never have enough of those.

 

What about you ladies? Rachel and I love feedback and getting ideas from other wives and moms. Do you have family meetings? How do you run them? Be sure to let us know in the comments below, and don’t forget to subscribe to HailMarry so you’ll never miss another post.

 

To help you get started on your own family meetings (or tweak what you’ve got), here’s a printable version of our HailMarry Family Meeting Rules as well as a Hail Marry Family Meeting Template.

 

Blessings and Merry Christmas!

 

Kristi

8 Tips on How to Talk to Your Spouse about Your Finances

A kindhearted woman gains honor,
    but ruthless men gain only wealth.”

Proverbs 11:16

 

I was really nervous about posting today’s blog; talking finances is up there with religion and politics, it is such an aggressive topic. With that being said I feel that I do have a lot to offer on the subject with all my personal trials and errors. When I first met and married my love the Scientist, I was coming into the marriage with literally nothing. I spent every last dime I had on my wedding. No job, penniless, and a hot mess when it came to budgets etc.  I wasn’t exactly prime pickings. The Scientist still loves me besides my insecurities and we work hard every day to make our one income family work.

Me & My Husband
Me & My Husband

Through our journey together that started two years ago, we are constantly learning on how to grow our marriage, how to become one and be on the same page. We have dreams for our family that in order for them to come true, we would have to be out of debt and have a hefty savings account. We also want to be able to do that and still be married after we achieve those goals. I know a lot of couples who have trouble with their finances and it becomes an issue in their marriages. That is not something that the Scientist and I want. We want to be successful but we also want a marriage that is strong and that can withstand any trial. So when we started out we knew that when it came to budgets and living frugally to achieve our dreams; we would have to figure out a way to communicate without tearing each other down. I have included eight tips on how to communicate and navigate through the big finance and budget talk.

  1. Forgive and then pray I actually got this from my priest Father Eugene. You have to forgive each other for any past that is hurting your finances and communication. Then pray that you will speak kindly and have an understanding heart. It’s not always easy to forgive but it is well worth it, I promise.
  2. Schedule uninterrupted time to discuss your budget and finances. We like to make it a working date night. I put together a nice cheese and meat plate, with some wine! It really takes the edge off of budgeting.
  3. NO name calling, judgments, yelling, physical violence, or any type of aggressive behavior.
  4. Listen to each other without judgments, preconceived notions, and with an open heart. Listening with compassion is the best thing to do, it shows that you respect your spouse and really are trying to understand their viewpoint.
  5. Talk with loving words and tone. This is huge because most miscommunication begins with tone. Try to be aware of your facial expressions and the way your words are sounding.
  6. Don’t leave until you have a plan established to conquer your goals. If you need to take a break or breathe for 10 minutes that’s fine. Remember that you set aside this time to talk about your budget and come up with a realistic plan that will work for the both of you; go back after your break to finish.
  7. Pray for each other, your goals, your plans, and your marriage. When you have a game plan intact take a moment to give thanks to God and ask for his help in assuring your plans go the way they need to. Praying together really helps bring back your center and love for each other, it helps smooth out any hard feelings you may have.
  8. Spend the next 5 to 10 minutes after you are done to do something loving towards each other. Say Three things that you love about your spouse go into details.

Finances & Money

I will go into detail how The Scientist and I budget, set goals, meal plan, and cut money waste at another time.  Learning to communicate is the number one reasons marriages break or become stronger. We felt that working on our communication was the biggest trial that we have because if there is no communication there is no growing. When you don’t grow in your marriage, if you don’t feed it what it needs, your marriage will die. Hopefully, these tips will help you better communicate with your spouse when you talk about finance, budgeting, or any hard conversations that you may encounter. Print it out Our Budget Talk Guidelines for future talks! Remember to be loving in your actions and be the best you can at the moment.

Love,

Rachel